I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
