My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
