how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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