my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have feelings that need drinking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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