Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
