I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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