Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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