Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
