it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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