i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
