Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And my parents said I crawled through the house
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
