I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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