best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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