I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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