i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
