May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
