Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
