Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
