You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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