Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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