i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
