Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
