So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
