We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize