Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
