Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
