Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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