i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
