it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
