well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
