The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am in a vortex of obligation.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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