It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
