the condom got lost in my hair
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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