He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
