i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am naked and annoyed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
