Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
