This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize