I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
