we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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