i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize