I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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