Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
