there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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