she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
