In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
