Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
