apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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