my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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