It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
