I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize