why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
