I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
