Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize