hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
please come you make the beer taste better
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
