I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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