Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
