New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
