You're so nebulous sometimes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
