She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
