I'm so fucking centered right now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
