she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
