When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
