What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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