so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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