I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
