Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
