last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize