He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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