gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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