Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
