aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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