so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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