lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
