you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
