I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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