Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have aggressive nipples.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
