I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
