Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
