there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
