Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
