You really coming over, don't trick.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
