trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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