"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
