Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
