dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize