Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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