I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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