I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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