I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
