Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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