you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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