I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
