I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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