Your face is a jimmy john
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
