Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
