But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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