i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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