I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
