Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
