You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
