I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
