First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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