The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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