Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
