You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
