it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
