There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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