Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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