I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
