when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
