At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
