Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Terrible idea I love it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
