we made out on top of his cat.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
