i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
