Fuck appropriateness.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
