i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
