this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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