'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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