You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
