Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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