ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
