My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
