I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
